you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
