Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We left an ass print on the piano.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
