after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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