the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
