All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
