when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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