They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
