dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
