I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your cock deserves a montage
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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