If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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