I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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