what day is it and did you see me today?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
