I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
