Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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