I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
