Where is the hickey?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
