time to smoke my breakfast
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
