I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
