it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
