Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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