It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
