i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
