hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
