Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
