he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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