There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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