I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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