someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
