I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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