; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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