he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
