Don't make out with my wife yet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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