in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
