Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
