Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
