so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize