Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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