her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
