Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
