Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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