I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
