we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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