my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
