Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
