Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
