my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A+ Viking dick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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