Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
