if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
