Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
