WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
