So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
