So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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