sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
did i just pee glitter
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