it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
