just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
