I'm so fucking centered right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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