Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
