that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize