nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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