He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
