i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
