Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Shame - the story of my life.
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