what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
