help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
