Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
