hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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