Whatcha textin bout Willis?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
