Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
