I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
