He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
