I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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