I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
