uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
