The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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