Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i think my cat just said my name.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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