i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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