jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
