i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
