Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize