just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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