she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
