You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
