ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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