You're completely useless in the revolution.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
