Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
