I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
