it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
