Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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