I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize