your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
