Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
