thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
