apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my poor anus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
