i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
