She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
