There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
