I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
