are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
