I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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