I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
