Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize