elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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