There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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