It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize